Pat's New Artwork

Pat’s Rooster is a heavily textured acrylic painting with decorative sides measuring 12 in. x 12 in.  The texture is built from magazine pages, paper pulp, and Light Modeling Paste.  This piece was commissioned by Pat Turner in Americus, Georgia.

I can honestly say that I have painted more roosters this [...]]]>

Pat's New Artwork

Pat’s Rooster is a heavily textured acrylic painting with decorative sides measuring 12 in. x 12 in.  The texture is built from magazine pages, paper pulp, and Light Modeling Paste.  This piece was commissioned by Pat Turner in Americus, Georgia.

I can honestly say that I have painted more roosters this year than I thought was possible!  SO me being me, I had to push the envelope with this guy.  Pat Turner has been one of the most inspiring and loving mentors in my life. She has always kept her inner child very happy while teaching and influencing countless students, family friends, and foster children.  She loves all things authentic and infused with love, so that is how I created Pat’s Rooster.

I infused this piece with all of the fun and love I possibly could reminding myself constantly not to take myself too seriously and to explore as much as I could.  I built up the texture on the bottom half of the piece with black and white photographs of women and their daughters embracing.  As I ripped the pages out and shredded them, I thought of Pat’s daughter Mattie and the love they shared.  I added paper pulp as the texture for the top portion of the background.  Playing with paper pulp reminds me of being a little kid and making homemade paper in arts & crafts class, so including it in this piece was a way to invite my inner child to play as well. I used bright vivid colors as is often characteristic of my work, and I also added playful decorative details on the edges of the 2″ gallery canvas.

Playful Decorative Sides

As with every piece of artwork I create for someone, I took into consideration Pat’s likes and her personality to create a piece specifically for her.  In the great scheme of things, Pat was again a mentor to me just by asking me to do a piece for her.  I was able to channel the “Patness” which has influenced my work in a very real and wonderful way.

Linda - The Diva Queen

September 19th, the day before my 32nd birthday, my fabulous mother-in-law Linda passed away from terminal cancer.  It was a sad yet glorious day. We had a big pot of chili that day to to thank all of her friends and neighbors for their generous displays of love [...]]]>

Linda - The Diva Queen

September 19th, the day before my 32nd birthday, my fabulous mother-in-law Linda passed away from terminal cancer.  It was a sad yet glorious day. We had a big pot of chili that day to to thank all of her friends and neighbors for their generous displays of love and support.  Linda was getting sick enough that it was time for her to move to our house in Savannah.  She was so weak that Saturday.  I don’t think she even really woke up save for a few brief moments at a time.  At 6:15 that night, she passed away with her youngest son, my husband, holding her, stroking her hair, and loving her as she passed away.  It was devastating and surreal, and I can’t imagine anything ever being the same again.

Although it has only been a few weeks, I have learned throughout the whole process that loosing someone you love is not easy, but it can be bearable.  Looking back over the past few months, I have developed several creative coping skills that I believe to be extremely helpful when dealing with loss.

1.  Be Emotional

Yes, let me say it again. Be emotional.  It is okay to cry, and it is even better to laugh through your tears.  Now is the time to be the basket case you feel like being, and regardless of what others think of you, it is healthy.  Bounce back and forth between sadness, anger, laughter, love and peace.  Make the full circle.  Feel what you feel.  People expect you to be sad, yes, but at this time more than any other, it is okay to be a bit emotionally insane.

Emotions A Plenty

Talk about your loved one with friends and family.  Laugh and cry.  Sometimes it is hard, but not talking about them can stifle your emotions and block you emotionally.  That’s bad news bears, especially if you are an artist. Not facing your emotions or accepting what is can have dire repercussions in the future.  If you don’t deal now, you WILL have to deal later.  The inability to accept current circumstances is the number one reason for most people’s unhappiness and suffering. Accept what is, feel the accompanying emotions, and then let them slide away.  This is the only way to heal.

Be very careful not to stay stuck on one emotion.   Sadness and anger can both cycle out of control if you place too much emphasis on them, so find ways to stay positive.  Often this can mean celebrating a person’s life rather than their death, clinging to your faith, or eve throwing a party in the lost one’s honor.  Another way to regain a sense of possibility and thus positivity is to entertain your inner child (see below).

2.  Surround Yourself with a Support Group

Linda and the Girls

I am still amazed at the out-pouring of love and support throughout everything.  I remember myself as a little girl in south GA.  I was the little girl sressed up frilly sitting on a chair in the middle of a funeral reception watching all the church ladies load plate after plate of of fried chicken and cassaroles, cakes and cookies onto the family dining room table while taking turns washing dishes, handing out tissues, and praying. All of the adults looked stiff and sad, and all I wanted to do was run outside and climb a tree. The funeral arrangements just seemed to happen while the family and friends gathered unceasingly for days.  I didn’t understand it at all when I was younger, and some of the madness still eludes me, but I now understand that people were gathered as a support network.

Linda’s support group (and ours) consisted of many friends and neighbors that were a bit more colorful than those church ladies of old.  When she found out she was sick, two of her girlfriends were there with her – they cried and then took her to drink Mojitos.  When her health would no longer allow her to be alone in her home, her friends volunteered to stay with her on the days and nights Al and I couldn’t. We made a schedule and posted it on the fridge.  It felt like a constant spend the night party.  Joyce and John continued to clean one of her clients houses, and then brought her the cash every week since there was no insurance.  Friends visited daily.  People cleaned her house, went to the grocery, and brought over fresh flowers.  Nurse Sherry from Hospice (Linda liked to call her Nurse Hatchet) became a friend, as did most people that met Linda. Our friends doggie sat, fed us, helped us move Linda’s belongings after she passed, provided additional storage, and showed an incredible amount of love.  And now, we are still getting donations from people to help pay for the expenses, and we are forever grateful.

I have no idea what we would do without all of these amazing people.  They were and continue to be our support group.  We allowed them to be our support group.  When grieving, it is easy to push people away.  It is harder to let down your guard and accept the help and support of others. Accept it.  In this world, everything is change, and loss is inevitable.  It is our common sense of humanity that drives people to help when times are hard.  It is give and take.  Offer support when you can, and take it when it is offered.

3.  Exercise in Fun Ways

Linda's Earth Cruiser

Mood-lifting endorphins are released when you exercise.   It helps you feel better, and it gives you time to relax your mind. The trick is finding the type of exercise you ENJOY!  Don’t drag around doing anything you hate.  You of all people know that life is too short for that.

Besides bike riding there are tons of other things you can do.  There are other fun “exercise” options too – dancing, gardening, cleaning, walking the dog, playing with kids or animals, and playing games like softball or corn hole.  Find something physical to do. Yes, even sex is permissible!

4.  Live in the Moment – Don’t Avoid the Present

The last thing we want to do in uncomfortable moments is to submerge ourselves in them completely, but it is very important to fully experience your feelings as they occur. It helps to develop strength, and it keeps you from regretting the things you could’ve or should’ve said or done later.

When I started spending most of the week with Linda, I was doing a chapter from the book The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron which required that I deprive myself of any reading or television for a week.  It was a hard week, because I was constantly thinking about Linda’s sickness. But, it was also amazing, because I didn’t have any distractions, so I was able to fully be in each moment and enjoy our time together.  I remember being awed by the sky and nature and finding an inner peace that I hadn’t had in a long time.  We often live in our heads, in the past, or in the future, but we can only find our true selves and identify with our own spirits in THIS moment.

Now, I grant you, there are times when a little distraction is healthy and necessary.  For instance, I scheduled a good cry by watching Legends of the Fall for the umpteenth time.  I knew I needed to drop a few tears because I was feeling a bit angry.  For me anger is often a cover up emotion for the need to just cry it out.  I took the cue.  It was purposeful.

5.  Entertain Your Inner Child

When someone you loved goes away, it can zap your sense of possibility and suck out the love you have for life if you aren’t careful.  One way I have found to rebuild feelings of hope and possibility is to get in touch with my inner child and entertain her.  I made a list of things I used to do when I was a child – things I used to love.  Coloring books and crayons, biking, spending time outdoors, sewing, baking, making up songs, and writing were a few of my favorite things, so I have taken time out to do these things.  I feel like I have picked up where I left off at age 8.  When you were 8, the skies were the limit and the world was full of magic. Find that magic again by entertaining your inner child!

We painted birdhouses

Container Beautification

My new sewing machine

For my birthday, I got a sewing machine, and I have used it to make new curtains for the kitchen.  I am also planning my Halloween costume.  I’m gonna make it myself, like my Aunt Ruth did when we were little.  I make it a point to ride my bike as much as possible, and I sometimes even sing the Wicked Witch of the West song while riding.  I sing as I clean the house, I painted new homes for my crayons and markers, and I wrote and drew my own Artist’s Prayer and hung it in the studio. I am finding the wonder in each moment.

My Artist's Prayer

6.  Rework Your Goals Visually

Brainstorming my Goals

The week after Linda died, I tried to return to work.  I stood in the middle of my studio and had no idea where to begin.  I felt drained of all previous notions of my purpose.  I felt lost.  So, I sat down in the middle of the studio, and I listed all of my goals near and far.  I brainstormed what I wanted and the steps it would take to get there.  I made a poster and hung it on the wall.  Now when I feel lost, which still happens, I look at my goal sheet, drink a cup of coffee, and make my daily to-do list. The goal sheet helped me to reevaluate my life, my career, and my own desires while providing a way for me to establish a plan of action.

If you have never lost someone close to you, the feeling is very strange.  There is a shock factor that renders your brain quite stupid.  It’s like insta-ADHD, and it lasts for days or weeks.  It helps to make lists and revisit your personal goals.  It helps to put your life back together after a loss and to return to a regular schedule.  Don’t be too hard on yourself.

7.    Decorate Your Life

One of the strangest things I have found while grieving is that I have begun decorate my life.  Often as an artist, I spend all of my time working on paintings for sale or commission, and although I am completely capable of decorating my house, I just never really have.  I guess I thought it was a waste of time.  Since Linda got sick, I have reorganized and rearranged my studio to include a calming fountain, a radio and several candles.  I have made it comfortable and pretty.  I finally hung the curtains in my bedroom and painted a piece for above the bed,  I have hung Linda’s art collection around our house, and I am making curtains for my kitchen!

Collaging as Therapy

During my reading deprivation, I flipped through magazines making certain just to look at the pictures.  I tore out pictures of things I liked, and I made a mood board of all of my clippings.  It now hangs in my studio as inspiration for continually surrounding myself with things that are beautiful.

I don’t know if I was inspired by Linda’s desire to be surrounded by beautiful things or my own need to do “something.”  Maybe my own need to fully appreciate each moment and my surroundings played a role.  I just know that I want my surroundings and home to be beautiful and comfortable, and it is soothing to my soul.

I have been fortunate enough that I have not lost a lot of people in my life.  I am no expert on loss, for which I am eternally grateful.  These are just a few of the things that have helped me to cope with my loss, and I hope that they may help others as well.  I do know that talking about your loss can be healthy, and anything that feels like too much for you to handle can often be relieved by a little talk with the man upstairs.  Please, if you still need to seek professional help in dealing with your loss, do it.  You are alive, and there is a purpose to your life.  You need to be healthy enough to carry out that mission, even if you aren’t really sure yet exactly what that purpose is.

A 12 Week Course to Discovering and Recovering Your Creative Self

Five weeks ago, I began working through the book The Artist’s Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity by Julia Cameron. I made a solid commitment to myself to complete the 12 week course.  As spirituality is between each person and their [...]]]>

A 12 Week Course to Discovering and Recovering Your Creative Self

Five weeks ago, I began working through the book The Artist’s Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity by Julia Cameron. I made a solid commitment to myself to complete the 12 week course.  As spirituality is between each person and their higher power, I have not shared any of my insights so far, but this past week was so incredibly amazing that I am compelled to share my review of Week 5: Recovering a Sense of Integrity in which I had to undergo 7 days of reading deprivation.

There have only been a few rules this past week, and I was reasonable successful at sticking to them all:

1. No Reading of any type – books, magazines, email or even my own writing
2. No random television – only watch things that are pertinent to spiritual and creative growth
3. Must eat quietly – meaning no television or other distractions while eating. – I added this one!

The purpose of these rules seems to be to quiet my world so that I can hear my inner self, to force me to branch out and do things I have been wanting/waiting to do, and to then have room for play, which is of course necessary for creative growth.

I found several interesting this this week. I am more able to exist in the moment without the distractions of email, tv, social , media, etc.  I believe before this week that I using media and electronic media as a crutch, as an excuse for working. I wasn’t actually getting any work done, however – not nearly as much as I have found myself capable of doing joyously.  By cutting out the “extra” stuff in my life, I have been able to exist in each moment and to enjoy it completely. With this has come the appreciation of my surroundings, the increase in volume of my inner self, a peaceful time.  My days seem to have more time in them, but it is actually that I have more quality moments.  I am constantly surprised and inspired by my inner voice.  It is a connection pipeline to the Great Creator from which continuous inspiration, support and love flows into me and into my world.  The more I listen, the louder that voice speaks to me through my creativity, the people around me, nature, and various synchronistic happenings.  I can feel the universe leading me to the right path for me, and I am amazed at the increase in the quality of my life.

I am also finding that the Law of Attraction is fast becoming my most favorite trusty law.  Like attracts like. A happy mood attracts happy occurances, while feelings of irritation attract irritating happenings.  In times of irritation, I am reminding myself that like always attracts like.  I am not quite able yet to fully acknowledge an emotion and let it go, but I am aiming for it!  Smiling especially when I don’t feel like it works a lot!

Also, this week I have found that I am doing an incredible amount of writing.  I feel it has been instrumental to this period of creative and spiritual growth.  I am writing as a meditative practice each morning and sometimes at other periods in the day.  I use my journal as my resting spot, my place to ask questions and give answers, my place to dream, to confront, my place to make sense of myself and the universe.  I have written in my journal, blog posts, business model developments, letters to myself from my inner child, proposals for winter art classes, and even a little poetry.

What is even more amazing is that my creativity has not stopped there.  In appreciating my surroundings, I have begun to “nest.” I hung curtains in my bedroom, finger-painted artwork to go above my bed, completely rearranged and reorganized my studio, and decorated my kitchen walls with bronze garden bugs.  And still more!!  My artist got a little of the action too! I created hand-drawn note cards, completed a home portrait, brainstormed and sketched some great ideas for a fantastical commission piece, and began two other paintings.  Plus, I made a few artist dates with myself as required to keep my life awe-inspiring and adventurous. I went to an art festival, took a few bike rides in Sun City, and created a collage of things I really love.

As I contemplate sharing this entry online, I can feel my next hurdle forming. I am looking at myself from the outside trying to imagine what others may see when they look at me. As I look at me with my old eyes, I think, “That chick is kind of out there!”  But on a personal level, I have never felt more empowered, more peaceful, more supported, and more capable of manifesting my reality.  I will now read and watch tv, but only what I enjoy and what is pertinent to my purpose – not as a distraction. Anything you do as distraction is hindering your advancement in reality. I will be aware of how I am spending my moments, and I will live in each moment.

Oh, by the way, I eat FAR less when I am not distracted by other things!!  But, I still love my cookies!!

Through various meditation practices, these articles encourage us to revisit and reconnect with our inner child at various ages in order to heal past wounds. These articles (which I have listed below) insist that many of us overlook the inner [...]]]>

I have come across several articles lately that talk about nurturing the inner child.

Through various meditation practices, these articles encourage us to revisit and reconnect with our inner child at various ages in order to heal past wounds. These articles (which I have listed below) insist that many of us overlook the inner child in ourselves, only to distance ourselves from who we were at certain points in our lives and the pain or needs that were not met. The psychologists suggest that becoming so removed from our distant selves can be harmful to our present selves.

Deliberating the Existence of My Inner Child

I found this all very interesting, and began to wonder if I was removed from my inner child, but I have to admit it. I am often the equivalent of a 4 year old child. Or a 7 year old or 11 or even 17 for that matter. I have always loved to entertain my inner-child. It keeps things exciting and fun. Upon further review of myself, I notice that much of my artwork is testimonial to nurturing my inner child.

I have recently finished 3 new pieces for the Heirloom Jewel Series.

The imagery is clearly child-like, and I have found that in addition to the imagery, I have fallen in love with the symbolism tbehind each of the animals I have depicted. This, too, is quite child-like and intuitive. So check out the images and the symbology and listen to what your inner child has to say about them.

The Octopus Jewel

The Octopus is an animal that holds very strong symbolism that is so extremely layered. A bottom-dwelling water creature, the octopus symbolizes emotion, intuition, and creativity that is also grounded. The fact that an octupus may loose a limb and regenerate that lost limb symbolizes self-healing, cycles, and regeneration. When an octupus is frightened it “inks” it’s predator clouding the water so that it may escape or it can even shed a limb to form a distraction. These are forms of creating an illusion for the sake of survival or self-preservation in the same way that people are often outwardly deceptive for the sake of survival.

The Dragonfly Jewel

A dragonfly is a magical symbol of agility in the face of change, especially changes having to do with deeper consciousness. A dragonfly can fly in any direction, but their wings are very sensitive to the smallest changes in the wind, thus they encourage us to heed the winds of change and not fight against it but work with the change. In addition, the Dragonfly is an animal of born of water and maturing to the air, thereby this beautiful creature is also symbolic of the passion and emotion of youth giving way to control and clarity in maturity.

The Sea Turtle Jewel

The Turtle is a special animal that takes the comfort of his shell with him on his travels. In this respect, the sea turtle is a symbol of protection, inner knowledge, and healing especially within the elemental water areas of emotion, intuition, and creativity. The sea turtle depends on water currents (tides of change) for fast-progression, but without the strong exterior currents, the turtle must courageously stick his neck out and patiently yet persistently progress on his own. Many Tribal Native American cultures believe that the continent arose on the back of a great turtle, and such they often referred to it as Turtle Island.

Articles about Nurturing the Inner Child:

Nurturing and Caring For Your Inner Child: How to Heal Emotionally and Master the Art of Self-love

Inner Child Focus, Work and Therapy from Elevated Therapy International in London.

Inner Child

The perfectly obvious answer to anyone that has ever known me – “Rachel, that is what you do.  That is who you are. You are an artist.” It seems as if it is the act of making art that defines [...]]]>

The Big Question flying around in my head lately -”Why do I make art?”

The perfectly obvious answer to anyone that has ever known me – “Rachel, that is what you do.  That is who you are. You are an artist.” It seems as if it is the act of making art that defines me as a person, and without that attribute I would not be the Rachel that I am. My family and friends agree, “Rachel and Art are like Peanut Butter and Jelly.”

But for me that does not answer the question – WHY? I have an ever present knack for questioning everything, especially my own motivations.  When the answer seems so simple to most people, I tend to delve deeper. What is this persistent driving force that will not allow me to stop creating? The truest answer is far less superficial than a personal definition and more an element of survival instinct.  Let me explain.

When I was three years old, I began having night-terrors, extreme nightmares that seem so real they often cause the dreamer to scream and fight in their sleep.  My Mama would try to calm me, but still asleep, my fears were difficult to calm. As I got older the night-terrors invaded the daylight. The best description I am able to forge is that of a massive deep dark hole residing in the pit of my stomach threatening to grow and swallow up any sense of happiness or contentment around it. Often it would grow so large that I couldn’t breathe, and a Panic Attack would prevail.

Genetically, I found in my early 20s, my hard wiring is crossed and I have what is called Panic Disorder. The best way to describe this chemical imbalance uses the balloon example. When a balloon pops and you are unprepared, your body panics.  You heart rate elevates and your breathing increases. Once you realize what has happened and that you aren’t in any present danger, you heart rate slows down and you begin to calm, maybe even laughing to ease the panic. For me the “balloon” can pop anytime – without a true external stimulus. The difference is my body doesn’t calm down right away, because it doesn’t know that everything is okay, so the panic increases and peaks.  A Panic Attack can last as long as 15 to 20 minutes, and it is a completely helpless feeling.

Experiential Jungle - Soul Painting Series by RM Cotton

I also started drawing at the age of three, and I have never really stopped.  There have been very brief interludes in my life where I neglected my creative instincts, and in these days or months my black hole would expand and threaten to swallow me. The act of creating has always tames that deep abyss, and I believe that when I create art, I am using a divine gift to commune with the creation aspect of divinity. Artists around the world will tell you they often “get lost” in creating their work. I feel this is a sort of “creative meditation” through a deeper level of consciousness.  I know I am able to tap into my inner spirit when making art. Throughout my life, making my art has always helped tame the beast within me.

Lately, something new has awakened in my spirit, and I feel very strongly that I am meant to siphon the tapped energy of divinity thought INTO my artwork. In order to embark on this rather difficult artistic journey, I have begun a series of paintings, entitled “Soul Paintings” to focus on this practice of inviting the divine into my work by modifying the levels of my consciousness through prayer and meditation.  I call these “Soul Paintings” because I believe that the love and light of God is alive in each of us, and through my work and attunement with my spirit and soul I may better use my artwork to honor Creation and possibly help others pacify the beast within.